The steady flow of water landed against Tess’ back like little pellets of rain – warm, soft rain.  Tess Simóne stood in the shower with her eyes closed and her mind open, thinking of the man in her life – Grant Sterling.  He remained loyal, predictable, insatiable, and very, very mysterious.  She’d never thought someone so unfathomable existed, until Grant.  She wondered about him constantly.  As a matter of fact, she rarely thought of much else in the past three years, besides her work.

Tess loved the way the water massaged her skin, right through to her muscles.  Her showers, and in particular, her evening showers, became a ritual to her.  It was the time of the day that she usually blocked out the noises, distractions, uninvited thoughts, the world, and even her work.  Those things were often replaced with her ignited passions, fueled by her hypnotic desires.  Grant had a lot of influence on her cravings for him, in hopes to become the only man for her – forever.
 The water pulsated on her as she stood with her palms pressed firmly against the shower glass.  She closed her eyes and, as predicted, she felt Grant standing behind her, reaching his strong hands around her sides and feeling her skin with a light touch of the tips of his fingers.  She anticipated the moment and relaxed her body, allowing him to move in closer with his body, until she felt him press up to her – skin on skin.  She liked the way it felt when he followed the contour of her body with his hands, stimulating her from her neck down to her thighs, traveling back up.  He then leaned his face in toward the back of her neck and ever so lightly…

“Oh!”  Tess froze in place.  “Who could be calling me now?  Shoot!”
She turned off the water and grabbed her heated bath towel.  She swung open the shower door and stepped out, almost missing the bath mat – landing mostly on the shiny marble floor – thinking how smart her decision to invest in the radiant flooring.  She hated cold floors.
“Hello,” her voice sounded slightly irritated.
“Tess!  You got a minute?  I’m sorry for calling so early in the morning, but I remembered you saying you were leaving town this morning.  I hope I didn’t wake you.”
 “No, actually, I’m trying to get out of the house.  I was in the shower and I need to catch a plane soon.  What’s going on?”  She glanced back at the shower, thinking she could picture Grant through the dense steam that filled the room.  She refocused back on the phone call from her close friend, Lisa James.
“I need a favor.  I’m really sorry to bother you.  How long will you be gone?”
“A couple of days.  Why?  What is it?  Can we talk about it when I get back?  I really need to get going.”
“Well, I kinda need a favor right now.”
“Lisa, are you going to make me guess?”
“I know, I’m sorry.  It’s just that…Okay, I’m just going to come out and ask.  Can I stay at your place for a while?  Kent and I…”
“What?  You and he what?  What happened?”
“It’s a long story.  We can talk about it later.  Can I stay at your place?”
“Of course!  I’m sorry.  Yes, I’ll leave the key outside under the azalea pot.  There’s little food in the fridge, so you might want to pick something up at the grocery store.  The guestroom is all set up.  Are you going to be okay?  Is it bad?”
“Yeah, it’s bad.  I hate to impose on you like this, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Hey, Lisa, I’ll call you on my way to the airport.  I don’t mean to cut this short, but I’m running late – you know how traffic can be.  We’ll talk, I promise.  And, don’t worry, it’s not an imposition at all!”
“Oh, thanks so much – you’re a gem!  Later.”

Tess did not expect to get that kind of news from Lisa.  She thought Lisa’s relationship with her boyfriend, Gregory Kent – whom Lisa affectionately calls Kent – had a lot of promise for a more committed future together.  She felt badly for Lisa, under the circumstances.  She wondered what Gregory was thinking and why he changed his mind about marrying Lisa.  Then she thought of Grant and their so-called arrangement.  She wondered if she was content with what she had.  Is that all she’s going to have for God knows how long?  She’d been too busy with work to think about being accessible to other possibilities.  Had she become complacent with her arrangement?  For the most part, it worked for her and she didn’t have to think about all the effort that went into a conventional relationship.  But was she, herself, truly happy?  

Right now, she wanted to get back into the shower and resume the moment, but she looked at the clock, then saw the sun rising, and knew that time had slipped by.  She needed to get herself in gear.  She feared missing her plane if she didn’t leave within the next thirty minutes.  She knows so well how unpredictable the California traffic can be and she’s a stickler for punctuality.  Instead, she got dressed, packed her car, and headed straight for the San Francisco International Airport.

As Tess drove south on Highway 101 through Marin County toward the Golden Gate Bridge, she pulled out her phone to call Lisa.  The long drive to the airport would give Tess plenty of time to talk to Lisa and find out what happened.  But, just as she took her phone out, it rang.  Sasha, her editor, called her first.  She knew that call would take more than a few moments to discuss her latest book project.  She would call Lisa later.


When Lisa arrived at Tess’ charming countryside villa in scenic Napa Valley perched atop of a hill, she sat in her car for a few moments thinking about the last twelve hours of her life.  She and Gregory had been together for five years and she thought they were very compatible.  They never had any major disagreements or irreconcilable differences, which led her to believe that they had a sound and desirable relationship.  She expected that the next logical step would be marriage.  She couldn’t understand his unpredictable change of heart.

Five more minutes had passed before Lisa got out of her car and walked around to the loggia.  She found the spare key, then sat in the rattan rocker and just gazed out over the vast beauty of the region below.  The hills were brown and green, the valley lush with grapevines, and the sun cast bright rays throughout the mid-morning sky.  Lisa savored each visit at Tess’ house because of her appreciation for the beauty of the Northern California countryside. 

When Lisa and Tess would take walks together through those quaint neighboring towns, the peacefulness and serenity of the appellation region became apparent to her.  She understands Tess’ reasons for living so far from the city.  It also gives Lisa a feeling of protection – from what; she wasn’t quite sure – or maybe just everything.  She envied Tess, being surrounded by so much auspicious nature.  To Tess, the Napa Valley has always been her sanctuary – complete with awe-inspiring vistas and majestic beauty.  This is where she finds her inspiration to write.  As a renowned romance writer, Tess Simóne has created some of her best work right from her own backyard.  She’s never short on scenery, having Mount St. Helena as her backdrop at the north end of the valley.


Tess continued to drive through the city on Nineteenth Avenue to catch the 280 freeway while talking through the corrections and rewrites with her editor regarding her current manuscript.  Before she realized it, the San Bruno exit – for the airport long term parking – was just ahead.  They ended their conversation as she approached the parking lot. 

While Tess waited for the shuttle service to transport her to the airport terminal, she quickly placed a call to Lisa’s cell phone.  She had hoped to hear some of the details about her breakup.
“Hello,” answered Lisa.
“Lisa, I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier, my editor called and we got tied up.  Are you at the house?”
“I’m here.  I haven’t gone in yet; I’m sitting out back.”
“Did you find the key okay?”
“Sure did.  It’s so beautiful out here.  I got caught up taking in the fresh air and the sights, and the silence!  Hey, thanks again for coming to my rescue.”
“Oh, no problem.  So, what happened?  Why did you leave Gregory?”
“We had a stupid fight, except it wasn’t so stupid.  He told me last night that he didn’t want to marry me; that’s all.  We were up all night discussing it – or rather fighting about it.  I mostly cried.  I’m still in shock.”
“Are you kidding me?  Why doesn’t he want to get married?  I thought that’s what you guys were planning to do?”
“Me, too!  I thought that’s where we were heading, but apparently he has other plans.  I can’t believe we’ve been together for five years and he’s now telling me he doesn’t want to get married.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I haven’t gotten that far yet.  But I had to leave.  I couldn’t stay there under the circumstances of how he feels about our future – we have no future.  It’s so hard to digest, you know.  I thought we were in love.”
“Well, he does love you, doesn’t he?”
“I dunno.  Last night he said he does, but…”
“But what?”  Tess could detect Lisa getting emotional.
“But, it’s not enough.  He said he doesn’t think he loves me enough to get married.”  Lisa’s tears fell.
“Oh, Lisa, I’m terribly sorry.  He’s not being fair or making any sense.  Oh, shoot, the shuttle’s here.  I gotta run, but listen, I’ll call you later, okay?  Get something to eat, take a walk, or have a glass of wine.  There’s plenty in the cellar – help yourself.  I’ll be back on Wednesday.  And, if you need anything, call me.  Are you going to be alright?”
“I will, and thanks a million.  I owe you.”
“You owe me nothing.  Relax and make yourself at home.  What’s mine is yours.”
“You’re the best.  Have a safe trip.”  They ended the call.

Lisa picked up her bags and went inside.  It was her day off from work, so she looked forward to relaxing, spending some time figuring out what she wanted to do next, and dealing with her erratic emotions.

Tess thought about her conversation with Lisa while working her way through security and the boarding process, until she finally sat securely in her seat on the plane.  Then, like clockwork, her thoughts traveled back to Grant.  She knew she could use the much-needed interlude from their nightly escapades, while she spends time conducting her business in New York. 

Early on in their relationship, she used to wish Grant could be with her when she traveled, but instead, he confined himself to visits exclusively at her home – yet frequently.  He initially visited her as often as she desired him, but anymore he shows up pretty regularly – nightly, that is.  They enjoyed each other’s company throughout the years and had become somewhat of an extension of each other, but Tess was beginning to desire more for herself and out of life.  Grant had always been a convenient substitute for love.  After Vincent, she didn’t aspire to falling in love again, but it has been three years and sometimes she perceives an enormous void in her life.  That void, being love.


Grant introduced himself to Tess shortly after she settled into her home in Napa.  The instant he laid eyes upon her, he knew immediately that he yearned for her in his life – intimately.  He knew she could give him a purpose to his existence and satisfy his soul’s unfulfilled cravings left dormant for so many years since his loyal wife, of twenty-five years, had passed on. 

Sonja had been Grant’s soul mate and perfect lover during their union as husband and wife.  They had been a vibrant couple and were explicitly sexually active – matching perfectly their insatiable appetites for one another.  He missed her tremendously and had been spending years looking for someone to replace her, in that way.  When he found Tess, he found his wife’s equivalent.  Although, Tess, at age thirty-eight, was a much younger woman than Sonja was at the time of her death – by twenty-five years – she had the same warm heart and an uninhibited nature.

Grant observed Tess’ carefree and open-minded nature.  He acted upon his attraction to her immediately; plus, she was accessible to him.  From that point on, he vowed to cater to her needs – her special needs – throughout the years, as he had once done for his wife.  Initially, Tess only hesitantly accepted Grant’s erotic pleasures, but eventually got used to the nightly invitations.  However, she remained oblivious to the fact that Grant had plans for her to become his pseudo wife and do whatever he could to persuade her prerogative to desire another man.  She, on the other hand, thought they would share an arrangement – albeit, abnormal – based on convenience. 

Before Grant came into Tess’ life, she hadn’t known any man as attentive as he, to know exactly what she desired.  Her busy schedule hardly permitted her a traditional dating relationship or even marriage, although she attempted both.  She regretted that, until Grant surfaced.  He preyed on her nightly until he took her mind off of those yearnings for other men.  And he succeeded.  Initially, she became so consumed with work and Grant, that her determination to find the right man and settle down became less important with each passing day.  Before long, Tess grew quite comfortable, receptive, and content with that part of her personal life – with Grant as her monogamous lover.  Her writing inevitably required a significant amount of concentration, but outside of that, she had the emotional support and stability she needed without having to compromise the unusual demands of her career.  Grant fit her somewhat secluded lifestyle.  Although he knew he couldn’t give her the kind of traditional love she’d come to expect, he did, however, remind her of what he could give her – night after night.  She made her peace with that.


When Tess arrived in New York City, she met up with some business acquaintances – one in particular, Jackson Geary, an author, publisher, and a close, personal friend.  She and Jackson always met up when Tess’ business took her to New York.  He had been instrumental to her career, especially at the onset, but mostly, they enjoyed each other’s company on a personal level.  He harbored a long-time attraction for her, since the day he met her.  She became fond of him and also found him attractive in many ways, but she had no plans of maintaining a long-distance relationship with anyone.  They often shared some harmless flirtation, but that was usually the extent of it – from her perspective.

 That night, Jackson met Tess at her hotel where they visited, alone, over cocktails.  Toward the end of their visit, they’d finished off several rounds of martinis.  He assisted her to her room, typical Jackson fashion, and said goodnight at the door with an intimate, yet innocent kiss – at least in Tess’ mind.  They often joked about having an affair, which Jackson only hoped she would consider it, but Tess worried that she’d fall in love with him and she didn’t want to leave California.  Jackson had a lot of ties to New York and it was the most logical place for him to work as a publisher and run his own publishing company.  But that didn’t stop them from sharing affectionate moments or displaying flirtatious gestures every once in a while.  But this time, it went a little further.  Feeling a little too intoxicated from the drinks, Tess invited him in.


Lisa had spent her day outside walking around Tess’ property and thinking about her fight with her boyfriend.  She spent the entire afternoon being preoccupied with the events of last night – replaying the whole conversation in her head, as well as analyzing his decision to not marry her.  She dissected his every word and his behavior over the last week, month, to six months.  She tortured herself trying to figure out if she had done something to turn him off – to discourage him from marriage.   During her walk, she had a hard time warding off the occasional tears that welled up from her broken heart.

Lisa James, a nurse at Marin General Hospital, met, now, thirty-seven year-old Doctor Gregory Kent, an Endocrinologist, also working at Marin General, five years ago while on duty at the hospital.  She’d always thought that dating a doctor would have its challenges, however, never did she think this would be one of them.  It was love at first sight for her, so potentially losing him like this has only created additional anxiety.  They became serious almost immediately upon dating, which makes her more confused as to why the sudden change in his attitude.  Lisa’s thirty-fifth birthday was approaching and she felt her time was beginning to run out to start a family.  With the demise of her relationship looming over her head, she only saddened more, thinking about getting back into the dating scene.  Right now in her heart, she only wanted Gregory.  She still loved him deeply and didn’t want to think about replacing him, or him replacing her.

By sunset, Lisa had reminisced the last year of her relationship, while consuming an entire bottle of Tess’ Cabernet.  She had cried for hours, drank for hours, and stared off into the western sky for hours, until darkness.  She finally went back into the house to go to bed.  She had exhausted herself with self-pity and desolation; OD’d on self-analysis, and was on the verge of self-destruct.  


Jackson and Tess’ goodnight kiss continued even after they entered the hotel suite.  It wasn’t that Tess was starved for affection or sexual attention, she certainly wasn’t, as long as Grant was around, however, there were things she couldn’t get from her romance with Grant.  Most of the time she paid little attention to those areas, but being in the company of a man for whom she has an insatiable attraction, the focus on her unfulfilled need for love is prevalent.  But she never wanted to start something she couldn’t finish.
“Jackson, I’m sorry; I got carried away,” Tess apologized, while backing away from Jackson’s embrace.
“That’s a good thing, don’t you think?”
“Don’t start.  You know we shouldn’t do this.”
“You may know that Tess, but I don’t.  What’s the big deal anyway?  We are both adults and no one’s going to get hurt.  I’m crazy about you.  I’m not seeing anyone and you’re not seeing anyone.”
“That doesn’t mean it can’t get complicated.  We live thousands of miles away from each other.”
“So what?  Why can’t we live in the moment?  Like right now…we’re here, we’re into each other, and no one stands to get hurt.”
Tess thought of Grant and knew she had to watch herself.  She has never told anyone about Grant and she wanted to keep it that way.  Right now she was regretting her actions with Jackson because she got a bad feeling that she better back off.
“I will get hurt.  I don’t mean to ruin the moment – I don’t, but I don’t want to rush into anything I’ll regret.”
“I don’t get it; we’ve known each other for several years.  You haven’t dated since Vincent.  Are you still grieving?”
“I’m not ready yet,” she whispered, then turned away.
It wasn’t that she still grieved over Vincent’s death as much as she didn’t want to upset Grant.  Jackson went to her.
“I’m sorry if I pushed.  I should have been more sensitive and less horny.  I want you to know that I’ll be here when you’re ready.”  Jackson had much sincerity in his voice.
He kissed her again and said good night at the door.  They both became aroused from the energy created between them.  Tess closed the door after he left and retreated to the bathroom to take a long shower.


Lisa turned out the house lights and retreated to the guestroom with another glass of wine.  She stepped out of her clothes down to her bare skin and went into Tess’ bathroom to take a long, hot shower.  She didn’t think Tess would mind her using her shower instead.  It was more elaborate than the one in the guest bath.  She wanted to feel the jets on her body because she felt tense and stressed.  The wine relaxed her mind – as a matter of fact, she had become quite drunk from the wine – but she wanted the shower to relax her body.  She pushed “play” on the stereo and cranked up the volume on the Italian classical music.  The one song that played when she turned it on, was Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana Mascagni – the familiar song from the Godfather movie, part three.  Tess loved the romantic melody and played it often when she showered or bathed.

Lisa set the water temperature as hot as she could stand it and strategically stood in the shower while the steam quickly fogged up the room; first the shower door, then the large vanity mirror.  Soon the entire room filled with steam.  She listened to the water rush through the pipes and out through the fixtures protruding from the marble wall, feeling the sting of each water pellet pound against her body.  It felt good to her – like an intense massage.  She concentrated only on the sound of the water and the music as it drowned out the racket in her head.  She stood under the water with her eyes closed and her palms pressed against the glass as she cried.  She cried for nearly fifteen minutes while the water continued to wash her sorrows down the drain.

Without warning, she felt something touch her.  She figured the positions of the jets were playing tricks on her.  It felt like a large pair of man’s hands had slid around from behind her body and touched her breasts.  She froze in place, then smiled, thinking about Gregory.  She missed his hands on her.  She thought she could actually feel him fondling her – reaching around, caressing her stomach, then rubbing her down to her thighs and back up, repeatedly.  She continued to concentrate on how he used to make love to her.  It felt so real to her – so real that her breathing became shallow and her heart began to beat faster.  As the music got louder, she could actually feel him entering her, but she kept her eyes closed; she wanted to hang on to the amazing feeling of euphoria.  Her imagination grew wilder with excitement.  She didn’t realize it, but she pressed her fingers harder against the glass, as if she was trying to grip it.  Then suddenly her hands began to tremble; then her legs began to shake.  She gasped and panted, harder and harder, faster and faster.  The tempo of the concerto increased, keeping time with the rhythm of her heartbeats.  It no longer felt like a dream.  It seemed too real.  She opened her eyes and wanted to turn around, but she couldn’t move her body.  At the same time, the pressure mounted inside and her breathing intensified, as her breasts and stomach were pressed against the glass.  She began to fear the moment – feeling captive, yet turned on at the same time.  She struggled to get free.  She looked left, then right, up and down, but couldn’t see anything through the thick blanket of fog all around her.  She panicked, but that only heightened her euphoria.  Without warning, her body stiffened and she moaned heavily through a very intense and prolonged climax, precisely the moment the music reached a crescendo, almost drowning out the sound of the water.  The excitement from the force took hold of her like nothing she’d experienced before.  She couldn’t stop it either as the water continued to pour down on top of her head, blinding her eyes. 

Then ever so slowly, the erotic mood began to subside.  She felt a strange release from her body.  Her hands became unglued from the glass, her knees buckled and her body relaxed.  She felt around for the nozzle and shut off the water then looked around, wondering if someone could see her.  She could still see nothing but the steam.  The shower door opened with ease and as she stepped out she grabbed for her towel.  Feeling weak and dazed, she continued to look around trying to figure out what had just happened to her.  Was it real?  Did she imagine it?  Of course, she did, she thought.  It must have been the wine.  She drank quite a bit and she knew she was probably somewhat drunk.  She didn’t bother to dry off, but just wrapped the towel around her, turned off the music and then the light.  She managed to stagger back to her room in the dark, following the dim light coming from the guestroom.  When she reached her bedroom she plopped on top of the bed and blacked out.